I’m just the masseuse, Mr. Gore

There have been reports that Al Gore, of political fame, possibly acted in an illegal manner with a masseuse in a hotel room in Portland, Oregon some years back…  What follows is a feeble attempt at creating a fictitious account of how part of the encounter might have been…  Pan Am would like to make it clear that Mr. Gore is innocent until, if and when, proven guilty in a court of law… [M: (Masseuse) / Al: (Al Gore)] Photo from Reuters:


M:  Hello, I’m the masseuse.                          

Al:  You speak French…  I like how the sounds roll off your lips.

M:  Where shall I set up my stuff?

Al:  Would you like a drink?

M:  No, thank you.  Shall I put my stuff over here?

Al:  (Chewing excitedly) Would you like a stick of gum, it’s sugar free.

M:  No, Thank you.  I’m ready to start.

Al:  You know, my wife Tipper doesn’t understand me.  She won’t find out, will she?

M:. Find out what?

 Al:  You know, this?

M:  This?

Al:  Yes, this.

M:  This what?

Al:  (Whispering) This

M:  (Rolling her eyes) You want the general treatment?

Al:  Like Around-the-World?

M:  Around what?

Al:  The world…  (adding in a deeper and even haughtier tone) You know, when you think about it, it actually fits quite nicely because I’m saving the world…

M:  Mr Gore, I’m the masseuse.

Al:  I’m saving the world.

M:  Thank you.  I’m the masseuse.

Al:  Yes, yes (wink, wink), the masseuse… Want some chocolate?

M:  I’m the masseuse, Mr. Gore.

Al:  I’m always nervous on the first date.  (Al looking like a “crazed sex poodle”.)

M:  The first date?  I’m the masseuse.

Al:   “’Masseuse’ this “(pointing and grinning broadly, obviously thrilled with his very own howbrow wittiness.).

M:  Mr. Gore!

Al:  Can you work on my lock box?

M:  Lock, what?

Al:  Box.

M:  I’m the masseuse.

Al.  I’m ready.

M: Let’s get started.

Al:  Let’s! (grinning, and still thrilled with his sharp repartee).

M:  Here we go.

Al:  Here I come…  (giggling devilishly and adding) Is that “an inconvenient truth”?

M:  Mr. Gore!

Al:  Please don’t hurt me…  I’m green, you know, are you?

 M:  I’m just the masseuse, Mr. Gore…..

Maybe nothing will come of this report about another of our crack public elites supposedly behaving-badly.  Then again, maybe something will, considering the dust-up the John Edwards episode created…  Politicians, role models for America…  Not… 

Just sayin’.


3 Responses

  1. Looks as though this story is beginning to gain legs, much to Mr. Gore’s discomfort.

    • Last heard was that the Portland P.D. was reopening the case and so legs it does seem to be gaining… The thought did arise as to why Gore was not up front and center with the Oil Spill in the Gulf, he seeing himself as the environmentalist guy — and when the Portland story came out, it seemed he might have been lying low, not wishing to draw attention so as not to encourage questions on the masseuse matter: giving some indication that there was some truth to the matter…

  2. The whole thing about Mr Gore and his climate control speeches make the episode of the lady who is speaking out interesting and entertaining but if the lady was really harassed and all that it is not a laughing matter and needs more attention. But also the lady seems interested in money for her story. That by itself does not mean the stuff did not happen.

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